Freedom You Actually Thought


You thought freedom is about expressing what you are feeling.
That freedom is embracing those moving butterflies in your stomach,
being consumed of the thought how magical it is.
You thought that freedom is actually giving in to your emotions.
That it is good to surrender for a while since you were timid for a very long time.
You thought that freedom is letting go of yourself and be with the flow of uncertainty.
Uncertainty of whether it will take a long time or just for a moment.
You thought that freedom is removing all of your doubts about him.
That you are confident enough to think that he will be consistent, 
that he won’t desire for new and that he won’t break his promises.
You thought that freedom is giving yourself once and for him only.
That it is about seeing yourself with him from this day and forever.
You thought that freedom is loving the person you love.
That freedom is loving him,
And loving him is freedom.
But Dear,
You are walking into a wrong tunnel.
Do you actually think it is freedom?
Loving him is not freedom.
It is like almost falling into a pit which has never known light.
Loving him is like giving the whip to your oppressor to beat you again and again.
It is like putting yourself into a prison cell even though you did not
commit a crime.
Loving him is like forcing yourself to vomit. 
It is like giving him the key for the entrance door,
and that entrance door is the only way out.
Loving him is putting yourself behind bars which won’t even let you breathe
fresh air, which won’t let you gaze to a beaming sunlight,
which won’t let you stretch your arm and
won’t let your voice echo to the other side.
It is like stepping your foot to your grave even though
you haven’t receive an invitation from it yet.
Though, it will welcome you with arms open wide.
And when that day comes..
I assure you that 
You will never be able to taste freedom again.
So remember this, Dear,
Freedom is not loving him
and loving him is death.






(It is not actually what I am experiencing right now but I was inspired to write this poem because/for this particular friend of mine.  Kinda blue I guess. I know she had a hard time loving the person she loves and as her friend, I want her to be truly happy. 🙂

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